Coming to an end...

The summer break is coming to an end and my heart is heavy, oh so heavy. Its been a time of huge highs and quite deep lows. My children have given beautiful joy and light into my world at every turn. How lucky I have been to have such a special friend who has allowed my little family the use of their beach retreat for the whole of the holidays. It was the most painful loss to me when through my divorce the children lost their much loved caravan by the sea. Its not the caravan that we morn, it was the way of life, their friends, safety, confidence, fun and of course beach time all centered around this place and for my youngest it was all he had known. Of all the loss this was the hardest because I am reminded of it daily as my children struggle to comprehend why it went. Their loss was eased by a new place, a new beach to discover and new friends to make. Indeed, it has been a fabulous summer for them with lots of new and exciting things experienced and of course some very crucial down time, or as my children say 'Chillax time'.
I drove home for the day and as I battled my way through rain, traffic, motorways and then once home I headed off to the local supermarket I felt my stress levels heighten. With the boys out on playdates I stole a moment whilst I battled through the pile of washing and gave this emotion some thought, literally whilst sat on the kitchen floor folding laundry. I have just spent seven weeks on an island, living with the basics and in a small space, my garden has been a field and my horizon has been the sea, eating outdoors most meal times, shopping for food in local stores, making small talk with locals, driving around country roads which involved lots of reversing if on the odd time you meet another car! Not wearing a watch and listening to my own body clock, my natural rhythm, for the first time in three years I have slept through the night without waking to my head whirling through things I have done and yet to do. I have been a better mother, laughing instead of crying and once again I have seen the beauty in all the things around me. I laughed as my new hand cream did indeed make me feel happier... the small things that when rushing at living you just don't notice. Yes seven weeks of bliss, making new friends and rediscovering that my creativity was stirring in me again with pleasure.

So then I return and I look at my life, my home which know feels soulless, worrying about the future, with the bill of the divorce to pay I am now unable to meet the payment for my college course yet alone pay for the washing machine which has finally given up the battle to keep going.

So many things to think about and my eldest son points out that the changes in me by coming home. Is this really the place I want to be in, surrounded by the painful memories of my old life.

To big a question to deal with just know... so with five days left of the holidays before the new school year starts and the clock watching begins I have arranged a friend of look after the house and the boys, our pup, the guinea pig and me are packing off to our island life again...

You cant beat a little escapism...

Summer time blessings...

Just one more week left of our long summer holiday, a time of so many blessings, love, laughter and outdoor family time plus sharing precious moments with friends... my sewing room has moved to the beautiful outdoors, a spot I am able to watch my children run around the fields or simply curl up on the hammock with books or paper and pencils.
Enjoying simple meals in the fresh air with such prettiness around us...
many walks along stunning beaches...
watching our little pub grow by each passing week and gaining more confidence day by day, she makes me smile and warms my heart...
ending days snuggling up around fires and gaining summer 'puppy fat' from too many toasted marshmallows.

There has been a few tears, my divorce came through after almost three years trying to gain closure, of course along with it came the most ridiculous bill, the story that only the solicitors gain at divorce is one I can well and truly agree with. AOL went down so no internet for most of the holidays and it took so long to get back on line as I tried to prove I was indeed the owner and bill payer of the phone line. An unexpected call back home from my beach retreat as I had an attempted break in, not a lot to take from my house unless you like vintage goodies and fabric.

All this however could not over cast the beautiful time I have spent with my children, the memories of this summer will certainly keep us warm as we move from through into the Autumnal season.

Dotty Red has been busy this summer and the machine has hummed along to the rhythm of the day and by the time the holiday has come to an end all orders should be completed and then its time to start on the Christmas designs... Ahhhhhh did I really say Christmas?

Wishing you only the best as we start the bank holiday and then enjoy the last few days of the holidays...