Thinking out loud (or as my close friends say... wittering on...)

Its funny how life changes, seasons change, our wants hopes and desires change... you can make the best plan in life and you never know what is going to change those plans you so carefully thought through. Its that time of year when we reach the summer solstice and the middle of the year, the days are at their longest and the possibilities that lie ahead of six weeks off with my children are just around the corner...On the 25th June, my birthday, exactly six months between one Christmas and the next, its a time for celebration, a time for family and also a time of heartache. Being adopted my birthday opens up a whole range of emotions filled with 'rejection issues' and the need to be part of something. I find this year to be no exception, in fact all the more realistic in their meaning.

As I feel I am on the edge of something big about to change in my life, is it my career, my family or my home, who knows, but the change is evident, I feel it running through me and there are days I feel I can touch it, but can I see it, do I know what the changes are... No, to be honest that's almost part of the excitement.
I am spending many hours in my garden, its looking beautiful and welcoming, so much a place for my family as it becomes the 'room' in the home we are all spending our time in. I sit watching my children play and I think about my house, my life, my career and most of all my family. I plan in my head the next year and realise that who am I to make these plans, life will just happen.

I have choices in my career, I am now a qualified Teachers Assistant, registered to continue to the next level, a commitment to another year of learning, sadly there are no jobs, only I could pick a career that the new government cut my role out of the agenda. Dare I move from hobby seamstress to a career and all that involves... so much to think about and so many choices and decisions to make.
But with the best made plans life can still take you its own way. So in celebration of my birth (all those years ago) I spent it with my most favourite people in a favourite spot. A blustery walk on a wild and empty beach, a pocket full of pebbles and shells from my children, a poke around an art shop, a delicious cup of hot chocolate in a seaside cafe with big fluffy dotty red blankets supplied to keep you warm if you ventured outside to brave the chill in the air, drinks with new friends and old, ending the day cuddled up outside in front of a roaring fire with yummy food and champagne. Yes indeed a special day, in the arms of a man that loves me, my children laughing as the new puppy pokes her little inquisitive nose into everything she shouldn't and a sky full of stars... Sometime, life deals you a bad card, one that hurts and leaves you paddling like mad to keep your head above water and sometimes, just occasionally, you can see how good that can be...
Yes a good day indeed for my family, and just about topped off to perfection with the most beautiful gift of my very own silver thimble... precious and so thoughtful a gift for me indeed.

Your still reading, I thank you, may the start of summer bring you love and laughter...

A new family member...

Its busy here, as I try to get through each day, keeping on top of all that needs to be done, mothering, cooking, cleaning, college, exams, working and sewing. My sewing machine has not been put in its case since our return from the beach, the cooker seems to be permanently on and slowly the house is starting to get sorted, all to the rhythm of the washing machine.Is there finally light at the end of the tunnel, to the array of disasters that have fallen at my feet OR have I just started to be able to deal with it better?

I am thankful to my eldest son who had a talk with me, one that would make the heart strings of any mother feel a little tug. He had a bad day, so did I, it was just me and him on the sofa with a drink and cookie, 'Mom' he said and continued to say - your sad, your stressed, Mom I am sad, so sad... we made a pact together, we would help each other out and we made a plan, part of that plan has been simmering for over two years, when Dad left the boys begged me for a puppy, it was hard to say no to them, however we talked, researched and planned. Now the plan has been put into action...

Introducing to you the new Dotty Red family member. The funniest, cuddliest, happiest little pup I have ever had the pleasure to meet, this is ROSY! Within days Rosy has settled in and it already feels like we have always had her. She is indeed a bundle of joy and an absolute tonic to my little family. She is the responsibility of the children and already they are doing their puppy duties well and I am so proud of them.
Rosy is a confidence building, family restoring and trying to make things better pup, its a lot to put on such a little creature. However Rosy by name Rosy by nature, she is bringing a ray of light into my children's lives that I have seen fade at times.
I know this bundle of joy won't replace the loss they feel in their hearts, the change of lifestyle won't go back to weekends by the beach in our pad by the sea and exciting adventures in their camper van, but she offers new plans, a new way of living and a whole lot of cuddles and smiles.

Welcome dear Rosy to our family, I hope your heart will be filled with joy, your feet prancing with mischief and your eyes see the love that is within these walls and that you will always feel a part of it.

Going to the ducks...

Ahhhhhhhh!!! They say things happen in three, bad luck that is, well I am on a roll, either luck can not count or I am being served a double dose.

I want bore you with the details, all to tedious to mention really and all involve large sums of money... of which I don't have.

One of the issues however is my blog account, its playing with me, its no fun I assure you. So today I had lots of lovely holiday pictures of camping and seaside adventures, blogger has other ideas and want let me upload more than one picture at a time and as I have a heap of chores to get through this evening plus some baking for the school fair and an early start in the morning getting two children to two different schools at the opposite side of town and myself in work all before eight thirty, so I will have to just post one photo.

Moan moan... Listen to me go on... anyway the spring half term was indeed a good one, spent with many close and dear friends, the children (lots of them) all had such adventures and for the first time in a while mine slept so well, all that seaside air. The weather varied dramatically and indeed one day half the tent needed re pegging before I lost it!!! The second half of the week was spent with a friend in a seaside house in Wales, just two Mums and five active boys, fortunately the sun came out and we spent hours on the beach and the boys body boarding in the sea.

I can not express in words the magical, calming and very healing effect sitting on the beach cradled by the windbreak sipping a warming drink, watching the seagulls searching for a small snack left behind by the days visitors, as the air cools down as the sun dips too low to be able to continue to keep us warm, the sea calm and the sound of our children laughing in the gentle surf holding on to the last hour of daylight. Even as we packed up the days belongings and stagger back to our holiday home loaded down with buckets, spades and BBQ, our skin tightening from the sun and sprinkled like cake topping with sand, yes the memory of time on the beach is one I hold dear and cling onto whilst I watch so much go wrong around me.

Back home now and working on a couple of orders, including my little duck friend here, this is a sample, I was asked to make a duck with big feet, similar to my Christmas Doves, but with these flipper feet. Anyway I had a little play and this is the result. I will be taking it in to show the shop next week and I am hoping that after all the playing about and sizing, half a book full of sketches and cast aside paper patterns cut out, I am happy with it, although a little fiddly, I even have a cardboard pattern ready to make more... Do you think they will like it...