Coming to an end...

The summer break is coming to an end and my heart is heavy, oh so heavy. Its been a time of huge highs and quite deep lows. My children have given beautiful joy and light into my world at every turn. How lucky I have been to have such a special friend who has allowed my little family the use of their beach retreat for the whole of the holidays. It was the most painful loss to me when through my divorce the children lost their much loved caravan by the sea. Its not the caravan that we morn, it was the way of life, their friends, safety, confidence, fun and of course beach time all centered around this place and for my youngest it was all he had known. Of all the loss this was the hardest because I am reminded of it daily as my children struggle to comprehend why it went. Their loss was eased by a new place, a new beach to discover and new friends to make. Indeed, it has been a fabulous summer for them with lots of new and exciting things experienced and of course some very crucial down time, or as my children say 'Chillax time'.
I drove home for the day and as I battled my way through rain, traffic, motorways and then once home I headed off to the local supermarket I felt my stress levels heighten. With the boys out on playdates I stole a moment whilst I battled through the pile of washing and gave this emotion some thought, literally whilst sat on the kitchen floor folding laundry. I have just spent seven weeks on an island, living with the basics and in a small space, my garden has been a field and my horizon has been the sea, eating outdoors most meal times, shopping for food in local stores, making small talk with locals, driving around country roads which involved lots of reversing if on the odd time you meet another car! Not wearing a watch and listening to my own body clock, my natural rhythm, for the first time in three years I have slept through the night without waking to my head whirling through things I have done and yet to do. I have been a better mother, laughing instead of crying and once again I have seen the beauty in all the things around me. I laughed as my new hand cream did indeed make me feel happier... the small things that when rushing at living you just don't notice. Yes seven weeks of bliss, making new friends and rediscovering that my creativity was stirring in me again with pleasure.

So then I return and I look at my life, my home which know feels soulless, worrying about the future, with the bill of the divorce to pay I am now unable to meet the payment for my college course yet alone pay for the washing machine which has finally given up the battle to keep going.

So many things to think about and my eldest son points out that the changes in me by coming home. Is this really the place I want to be in, surrounded by the painful memories of my old life.

To big a question to deal with just know... so with five days left of the holidays before the new school year starts and the clock watching begins I have arranged a friend of look after the house and the boys, our pup, the guinea pig and me are packing off to our island life again...

You cant beat a little escapism...

Summer time blessings...

Just one more week left of our long summer holiday, a time of so many blessings, love, laughter and outdoor family time plus sharing precious moments with friends... my sewing room has moved to the beautiful outdoors, a spot I am able to watch my children run around the fields or simply curl up on the hammock with books or paper and pencils.
Enjoying simple meals in the fresh air with such prettiness around us...
many walks along stunning beaches...
watching our little pub grow by each passing week and gaining more confidence day by day, she makes me smile and warms my heart...
ending days snuggling up around fires and gaining summer 'puppy fat' from too many toasted marshmallows.

There has been a few tears, my divorce came through after almost three years trying to gain closure, of course along with it came the most ridiculous bill, the story that only the solicitors gain at divorce is one I can well and truly agree with. AOL went down so no internet for most of the holidays and it took so long to get back on line as I tried to prove I was indeed the owner and bill payer of the phone line. An unexpected call back home from my beach retreat as I had an attempted break in, not a lot to take from my house unless you like vintage goodies and fabric.

All this however could not over cast the beautiful time I have spent with my children, the memories of this summer will certainly keep us warm as we move from through into the Autumnal season.

Dotty Red has been busy this summer and the machine has hummed along to the rhythm of the day and by the time the holiday has come to an end all orders should be completed and then its time to start on the Christmas designs... Ahhhhhh did I really say Christmas?

Wishing you only the best as we start the bank holiday and then enjoy the last few days of the holidays...

life is a beach....

Ahhhh what happiness! We have found our summer groove...
blue skies...
chrystal clear blue sea and yellow sand...
a little excitement...
ice cream smeared faces, sandy toes and fury friends...

Evenings spent to the gentle hum of the sewing machine, busy, busy busy...

Yes this last week has been bliss... busy making memories, hope your memories are precious too.

Will be back next week.

Summer time...

Rosy is showing off her super smart new collar, what a treat it was to get something nice in my post, it was a treat from the lovely Pene at Scrap my mid life crisis. I thank you, my day was made brighter and happier, I thank You Pene. What a beautifully made collar, your workmanship is perfection.

Its here at last, the holidays, this is the first year I am a little overwhelmed at the organisation of it all and the getting things done around my beautiful boys. Gone are the endless hours of creating fabulous memories of endless summer days by the seaside, playing with friends and sharing picnics on the beach, just packing up for six weeks and escaping to the beach. This year we will manage to do all of those things just not for six weeks, however this year it will take a degree of planning and time keeping. Yes a single Mom of two boys, struggling on a tight budget is a far cry from the family I was once part of, a camper van to tour the beaches and camp out, a beautiful holiday home as our base and financial security, yes I always worried why my husband was not a part of our family outings and it made me sad they he missed out on precious time and memories with his children, I guess he was creating his own memories. So long as the children laughed and enjoyed their time I chose not to worry. Sadly all this was lost and the children feel it more than me. I work hard to keep their spirits up and with someone special who adores my children and gives their time so freely and happily we are finally getting there and healing the wounds. In fact at times life is better, but all our hearts are damaged.
So we are looking forward to getting to the seaside, getting away from it all. This last two days have involved solicitors and sorting out my home in case we get a viewing booked in. Its soul destroying and NOT how I wanted the holidays to start, the children feel my pain despite carefully hiding it from them. But its done now...
Time to start making precious memories and finding our summer rhythm...

Sewing in the mornings and playing in the afternoons...

I am off for a few days to Anglesey, my car is packed with the usual beach related stuff and my sewing machine. I love the fact that my sewing is worked around my children but like mothering, I cant just clock off at the end of my shift... it carries on, don't get me wrong I love this, being creative is a big part of who I am and how my boys see me. We make... seriously we all do... from paper aeroplanes, baking cookies, building Lego, yes we make...
Each summer we draw up a list of what we want to achieve through our holidays and on the last weekend of the summer we reflect on this list, the list is usually placed for us all to see everyday on our fridge, held on by one or two of Mommies crochet flowered fridge magnets. This year our list hasn't been completed, as this year my eldest wanted to give it more thought, so far though we have had... improve on skateboarding, water skiing, photography and best yet... my little one wanting to learn to knit... Oh happy days....
Rosy the puppy is our ever faithful new family member, life without her now seems unthinkable, she is such a part of who we are, the boys walk her every evening and as for how I feel about her, well she is such a faithful companion, always by my side and always up for a cuddle. We are all so excited about taking her on the beach.
So I leave you for a few days, yes I have some sewing to do, I wouldn't be DOTTY RED if I didn't, but I will get it done and it will be a part of our rhythm, life carries on and I am learning to roll with what comes my way... but a few days away here and there, away from a home that has lost its heart, to create some special memories...
Yes the summer time has always and will always be a special time for me... I will be back next weekend and in the meantime I hope you will be creating memories to keep you and your loved ones warm all winter long...

Thank you for staying with me through the last few months, its not been as pretty as I would have liked but your support spurs me on to greater things, from my heart I thank you.

PHOTOGRAPHS.... Dotty Red summer range. beach huts, boats, cupcakes and long walks in meadows...

...All cushions SOLD thank you...

All at sea...

Cup cakes... you gotta love them, yummy to eat, pretty to look at, soft spongy texture with delicious creamy topping all finished off with a bright red cherry. They make me smile.
A lot of cup cake making going on here, baking for the end of school summer events to sewing gifts for teachers and topping up my stock. The weeks are filled to over flowering with so much on at the moment, when the weekend arrives I usually need some serious down time and this last weekends expectation of some time out with my family and friends was no exception.
My little family and I headed off to the coast, one boy and his dog had a great time getting to know each other.
The weather was a treat and of course we hit the beach...
and played in the sea...
the seals looked at us with intense curiosity...
and boys of all ages love their toys and messing around on the water...
ending the day sharing drinks and nibbles with friends around the fire until sleepy babes could stay awake no longer...

Yes special time, moments that are cherished. One of my ambitions as a mother is to provide my children with such precious memories of their childhood, memories that will stay with them in their hearts and maybe help them to grow into caring, beautiful adults and help them through times that are tough. My childhood memories mostly came from holidays on our canal boat and I think that's how I became such a 'nester', I love small spaces and making them cosy as my family did when I was little. I can not tell you how sad it makes me that through my divorce my children have lost out on so much as we lost our super cool camper van and of course our holiday place by the sea, the boys talk about it all the time and with the holidays just around the corner they are struggling to come to terms with their loss, I hope that these times with friends and staying in places we cant call home but welcome us, will give them some of the memories I hoped to provide and maybe help them see how lucky they are to have friends and family around them that love and cherish them.

Busy week on the sewing front ahead of me and an exciting time for my son as he gets to take his puppy out for the first time into the big wide world...

Sew on...

making a future...

This past week has been one of those weeks that just felt like such a long time to get through it, yet now, when I look back, it has passed by in a moment!
I am busy, as most Moms are at this time of year, tying up all those lose ends before the big six week break. Its my first year that I will be working around the children and all the multitasking that it involves. Added into this I had the opportunity to sit my next level English exam, it was all a little last minute so with the hottest weekend ahead of me, a weekend sailing and socialising on the cards, I gave it up to sit at home at my laptop and study. The good news is I passed so it was so worth it... My boys are so proud of me as they know how much my dyslexia interferes with my confidence. I have had a few very exciting orders to work on and the thoughts of summer are having an impact on my creative ideas. I am all about beach huts, water and cup cakes at the moment...
Things move on here at the home of Dotty Red and my thoughts venture on to my future plans. Its all very exciting and still at the seedling stage and therefore I am a little unsure about how much I can share here until the plans either grow into a healthy future or wilt. I am positive that with lots of love, care and nurturing, the right amount of water and the glow of the sunshine, things might start to develop.
Whilst all my ideas rumble around in my head, and I fill books up with words, ideas and drawings...I have needed to update my stock a little, some fabulous ribbon, can you imagine how excited I was to open a box to such prettiness, it really is the simple things in life that make me happy, also a new line in tags arrived for me to play with.

PUPPY UPDATE

Rosy the puppy is still proving to have a very positive impact on my little family, joy seems to fill the family home, not to mention the odd little puddle!!! Laughter and lots of "No Rosy" as we start the puppy training. Eight more days and she can go out for her first walk, we are all looking forward to this, especially Rosy, she has endless energy and is keeping us on our toes.

This weekend we are off to a seaside break for some much needed downtime. What ever you are up to this weekend I hope the weather remains warm and sunny and your time is filled with moments of calm.

Thinking out loud (or as my close friends say... wittering on...)

Its funny how life changes, seasons change, our wants hopes and desires change... you can make the best plan in life and you never know what is going to change those plans you so carefully thought through. Its that time of year when we reach the summer solstice and the middle of the year, the days are at their longest and the possibilities that lie ahead of six weeks off with my children are just around the corner...On the 25th June, my birthday, exactly six months between one Christmas and the next, its a time for celebration, a time for family and also a time of heartache. Being adopted my birthday opens up a whole range of emotions filled with 'rejection issues' and the need to be part of something. I find this year to be no exception, in fact all the more realistic in their meaning.

As I feel I am on the edge of something big about to change in my life, is it my career, my family or my home, who knows, but the change is evident, I feel it running through me and there are days I feel I can touch it, but can I see it, do I know what the changes are... No, to be honest that's almost part of the excitement.
I am spending many hours in my garden, its looking beautiful and welcoming, so much a place for my family as it becomes the 'room' in the home we are all spending our time in. I sit watching my children play and I think about my house, my life, my career and most of all my family. I plan in my head the next year and realise that who am I to make these plans, life will just happen.

I have choices in my career, I am now a qualified Teachers Assistant, registered to continue to the next level, a commitment to another year of learning, sadly there are no jobs, only I could pick a career that the new government cut my role out of the agenda. Dare I move from hobby seamstress to a career and all that involves... so much to think about and so many choices and decisions to make.
But with the best made plans life can still take you its own way. So in celebration of my birth (all those years ago) I spent it with my most favourite people in a favourite spot. A blustery walk on a wild and empty beach, a pocket full of pebbles and shells from my children, a poke around an art shop, a delicious cup of hot chocolate in a seaside cafe with big fluffy dotty red blankets supplied to keep you warm if you ventured outside to brave the chill in the air, drinks with new friends and old, ending the day cuddled up outside in front of a roaring fire with yummy food and champagne. Yes indeed a special day, in the arms of a man that loves me, my children laughing as the new puppy pokes her little inquisitive nose into everything she shouldn't and a sky full of stars... Sometime, life deals you a bad card, one that hurts and leaves you paddling like mad to keep your head above water and sometimes, just occasionally, you can see how good that can be...
Yes a good day indeed for my family, and just about topped off to perfection with the most beautiful gift of my very own silver thimble... precious and so thoughtful a gift for me indeed.

Your still reading, I thank you, may the start of summer bring you love and laughter...